Sunsets & Herbs

There is probably dust here by now.

It has been a long time since I last sat down to write on this little corner of the internet. I actually checked before starting this, and the last blog post I published was on 13 February 2024. Two years ago. That shocked me a little because in my head it never felt that long. But I guess that is what happens when you keep saying, “I will come back next week,” and suddenly months turn into years.

The funny thing is, it is not like I stopped wanting to write.

I thought about it all the time. I missed it all the time. Even now, I still believe storytelling and reflection are some of the most honest ways we connect with each other. Sometimes you read something and realise, “Wait, I thought I was the only one who felt like this.” I think that is what I have always wanted this space to be. Not a place where I pretend to have everything together, but a place where we can sit with life as it is.

And if I am being honest, this post is not really just about blogging.

It is about all the things we keep saying we will do and somehow never fully commit to.

For years, I have been the kind of person who starts things and struggles to stay with them. Especially the things that live close to the heart. Creative things. Personal things. The things nobody is forcing you to do, but the things you know matter to you.

I will say I am going to exercise consistently. I will say I want to reduce processed food. I will say I am going to read more, write more, film more, create more, post more, show up more. And sometimes I even start. That is the thing. I start.

For a week, maybe two, I am fully in it. Then somehow, I disappear again. And I do not think I have been fully honest with myself about how much that has been affecting me.

Because after a while, constantly breaking promises to yourself starts doing something to your confidence. You begin to stop trusting yourself. Every new goal starts sounding like another thing you probably will not finish. Every fresh start comes with that little voice in the back of your mind saying, “Okay, but how long is this one going to last?”

That feeling has honestly been haunting me lately.

Not because I think life is supposed to be perfect or disciplined all the time. I do not believe that at all. Life happens. People get tired. People burn out. Sometimes rest is necessary. Sometimes surviving the week is enough.

But I also think there are moments where we have to stop hiding behind that explanation and tell ourselves the truth.

Sometimes we are not victims of circumstance. Sometimes we are avoiding ourselves.

That part is uncomfortable to admit.

I think a lot of us know exactly what we need to do, but we keep postponing it because the comfort of staying where we are feels safer than the discomfort of consistency. We wait to “feel motivated again.” We wait for the perfect routine. We wait for the right Monday. Meanwhile time keeps moving.

And I am saying “we” because I know I cannot be the only person who feels like this.

I look around and see so many people with dreams, ideas, unfinished projects, routines they keep trying to rebuild, promises they keep making to themselves. People who are tired of starting over but somehow keep finding themselves back at the beginning.

I saw a post recently where someone said, “At some point it becomes your responsibility to raise yourself and unlearn certain things.”

That stayed with me.

Because there comes a point where you cannot keep blaming your upbringing, your past, your circumstances, your fear, or your exhaustion for every single thing. Yes, those things affect us. Deeply sometimes. But eventually you also have to ask yourself: “Okay, now what?”

What are you going to do with the life in front of you?

And maybe that sounds harsh, but honestly, I do not think accountability is cruelty. Sometimes accountability is love too. Sometimes loving yourself means being honest enough to say, “You are getting in your own way.”

I think I have reached that point.

Not with another long list of promises I might overwhelm myself with by next week. I am actually tired of that version of self-improvement. The big declarations. The pressure to suddenly become a different person overnight.

I do not want that anymore.

I just want to become someone who stays.

Someone who keeps showing up even after the excitement disappears. Someone who does the work even when nobody is clapping for it yet. Someone who stops abandoning themselves every time life feels hard or messy or inconvenient.

And honestly, maybe that is what starting again really is.

Not becoming a brand-new person. Just returning to yourself properly this time.

So yes, I am back here again. Back to writing. Back to sharing. Back to trying. And maybe this post is less of an announcement and more of a quiet promise to myself that I want to stop disappearing from the things that matter to me.

And if you are reading this feeling like you have also been stuck in cycles of starting, stopping, postponing, avoiding, resting a little too long, or struggling to follow through on the things you know you care about, trust me, I understand.

But maybe we start again anyway.

And maybe this time, we stay a little longer.